Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
