I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
