I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
