I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
