Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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