i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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