He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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