I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
