So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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