Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
