sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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