the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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