i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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