When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
