Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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