what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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