What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
