Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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