Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
