No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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