Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
