Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
