i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
