Define "chronic" masturbator.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
