so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
