you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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