You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
