I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
