dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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