this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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