Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
