I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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