With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh god it's open bar.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize