I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Randomize
