Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
