Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I will be naked everywhere
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
