I just threw up on my dentist
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
