Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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