Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
