I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
