Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
