You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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