That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
