I am puke
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
