Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
