my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
