I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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