It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
