I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
