I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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