Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
