How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize