we're chasing vodka with high fives
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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