Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
