I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
