I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
