you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
