She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
