I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's rum buckets o'clock
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
