Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
