I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
