u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
