i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize